I have just watched Belarusian Victoria Azarenka demolish a gloomy Maria Sharapova on the Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne and, as usual, I did so wondering how the people sitting in the first few rows could possibly do so without earplugs.
While another Grand Slam final loss seems to have derailed Sharapova’s injury return a little after her Wimbledon defeat to Petra Kvitova last year (another first-time winner) it looks like Azarenka could be about to go on to something pretty big.
But what if, for some reason, they decide tomorrow that, like Serena Williams, they have had enough of tennis?…
Perhaps both could apply for various fog horn positions across the world. For centuries ships have been finding untimely demises on jagged rocks the world over. And millions have been spent developing and manufacturing fog horn systems to warn them away from perils when visibility is bad enough to block out lighthouses. Perhaps either girl could sit in person on clifftops with a megaphone to warn off sea captains, or they could lend their ear-piercing shrieks to record?
Imagine you break a window and enter a property looking for a valuable artwork, when all of a sudden high-decibel, high-pitched shrieks are slamming against your eardrums from all angles. What is more likely to have you running for the door, your prey all but forgotten at the back of your mind? Similarly; if you are awoken in the dead of night with your kitchen ablaze by the smoke alarms. With that noise ringing through your head, you’re bound to be running towards the nearest window and preparing to jump.
A lot has been made of the way prisoners have been treated in certain establishments the world over for the past few years. But if you really want some information out of somebody, why not sit them in a dark room for 24 hours listening to Sharapova and Azarenka play tennis at high volume? They’ll be spilling the beans within a day.
car parking warning systems
Similarly to suggestion two, perhaps motion sensors could be placed in cars for when you’re trying to reverse park. When you are getting a little close to the car behind, Sharapova could warn you with a fearsome wail as she metaphorically slams a backhand winner across court.